At Heaven's Gates

~Kindle Joy Miller

I slowly walked toward the golden city and I was in awe of its brilliance and splendor. I thought I must be in a dream but it was no dream. This shining city before me was the real thing. It glittered and sparkled in the bright light that was around it. I could never have dreamed up such a magnificent sight. I walked up to the pearly gate in front of me. “Amazing isn’t it?” I looked over and there was a man sitting at a small desk by the gate. I walked over to him. “There are no words to describe it,” I said. “It’s even more brilliant on the inside,” said the man, “Why do you deserve to enter?”

My mind wandered to my terrible past and the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I had done horrible things in my life and there was no way to justify what I did. I murdered my innocent babies, I abandoned my husband, I tried to commit suicide several times, I stole what I couldn’t afford, and I was addicted to everything I shouldn’t have been addicted to: Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, and Tobacco. I fell to the ground. I couldn’t deserve this. Could anyone deserve this? I wept; the pain was too much to bear.

Then the gates opened and a glorious light shone through. I was blinded for only a minute and then I saw Him. I recognized him right away. I stood up quickly and dusted myself off then I ran into Jesus’ arms and wept on his shoulder. Jesus nodded to the man and he wrote down my name. “My sister,” Jesus whispered in my ear, “You are safe.” Those words echoed in my head and I felt huge burden come off my shoulders. I felt a peace that I had never felt before. I didn’t feel the uneasiness when I aborted my first child or the terror when I found out the guy I was with had seven other girls that he visited regularly or the loneliness when I left the only man whoever loved me or the fear when I woke up from a party not knowing where I was. I was really at peace for the first time in my life.

I remembered back to that day when I met Jesus. I was ten years old when I went to that Vacation Bible School to get away from the abuse I suffered at home. I would run away for several days at a time and my parents never worried about me. They knew I would come back eventually so they could yell at me and beat me. At Vacation Bible School I learned that I was free because Jesus died for me. They asked if anyone wanted to know Jesus and I did. I wanted him to make me free from my parents’ abuse. I never went home after that and I never saw my parents since and the only abuse I suffered after that was my own stupid choice that caused it. I was free from abuse because of Jesus. I only saw Him a few times after that. My husband was a church goer so I went with him but I never got much out of it. He didn’t want children so when I got pregnant I was afraid he would leave me so I had an abortion. I was so insecure. A month later I told him about it and he got mad saying I was a murderer. That is when I ran away again. I started to cry just thinking about it but I looked up into Jesus’ eyes and he smiled. His smile was so comforting and I knew everything was going to be alright from now on.

“There are some people who want to meet you,” Jesus said. I looked up and three little kids walked out the gate. An eight year old boy, six year old girl, and three year old girl. I knew exactly who they were. A tear trickled down my face and I ran up to hug them. They were the babies I had aborted. “I love you,” I whispered to them, “I always have.”

“We know, Mommy,” said the middle girl with a grin, “Jesus told us all about you.” I couldn’t help but smile at her joyful proclamation. This is my little girl, I thought.

“Let’s go show your mom the city,” said Jesus as He lifted the three year old onto his shoulders. I held the hands of my two little kids as I walked through the gates of Heaven. I was finally truly happy and there was nothing that would make me upset again.